Dark Dusty Corners

Dark Dusty Corners

Every once in a while, when I am very introspective, I dig through the clutter of my soul, poking around in those dark dusty corners. I bring out cherished memories, either write about them or simply dust them off and tuck them lovingly back in for another day. Others I bring out and inspect, making sure they keep a little bit of the dust, because some memories are more calming with a fine layer of dust insulating them from the pain they cause us. Someone inworld has recently reminded me of one of these dusted memories, so last night I brought it out to see if it wore itself on me as it did so many years ago. I had an SL grand passion once, so very long ago. My first avatar that is. It is strangely amazing and moving when you feel a connection to a person virtually, even though the only touch is the companionship of two souls cosmically through cyberspace. We held each other closely in our dreams and shared much of our real lives with one another, well, as shared as can be virtually. If a little Cao could love, this was as close to it as she could come. The years wore away the bright shiny package but the incredible thing is we loved and accepted even those things we would normally call “warts” in another human being.

Dark Dusty Corners

But being adults and prone to making adult decisions, there were things of his life he could not change, and of course, things of mine I was unwilling to change and we parted ways friendly. Not wishing to prolong pain, he left Second Life, I deleted my avatar and created this one. Was it real? Well, 5 years of Second Life later, this avatar is still a virgin who isolates herself from forming close relationships. Honestly though, was it real? I would have to say I love aspects of him but in virtuality there is so much that is hidden from reality. I wouldn’t even know if he would pass the spork test ( https://anchailinalainn.com/2013/04/05/basically-undateable/) and to me that’s major. So who really knows, but it’s good to take this memory out every once in a while and feel the emotions I felt so long ago, the two years added color to my personality, an aged patina of maturity it may have taken years to grow.

Take from? Well of course! And maybe not what you think. When I brought this memory out it made me think of something he did bring to me and quite often and that’s one of the secrets of all great love affairs. Loving someone doesn’t take money, or even really a whole lot of time, for that matter. You can tell when a person truly loves you when their one and only greatest wish is to do something, anything, just to put a smile on your face. When is the last time your significant other went out of the way to bring you a smile. It’s such a small gesture, don’t you deserve it?

Dress and Hat: Lelutka, Guile
Leggins: Maitreya, Couture Leggings
Hairs: Tuty’s, Bob

12 thoughts on “Dark Dusty Corners

  1. Interesting post, we’ve all gone down the route of falling for someone in SL and then being racked by doubts over who they really were. We (I) really want to believe but I have met too many charlatans ~ guys who share the same real life profiles, people who get married after 3 weeks and just plain lies : ( Personally I have more than enough complications in RL! I like the look and feel of the new blog !

  2. Yes, there are pitfalls to a virtual relationship, but there are in those in the corporeal world, too. When I divorced, I vowed never live without laughter again. Five years onward, I have a special someone in my life, someone I met in Second Life when I wasn’t looking. He was a friend who I grew to love in a way I never have before. We have never met in RL, but he’s always there for me. He doesn’t always know what to say, but he always knows how to make me smile. He melts my heart with the silliest little things he says and does and brings laughter to my lips when all I want to do is cry. There have been doubts along the way. We have discovered things about one another that show that we are less than perfect, things that are easier to hide when not looking one another squarely in the eye across the breakfast table. But through it all, we’ve learned to trust and lean on one another. That is the key to happiness in any relationship – whether it is virtual or real: to be willing to learn from our mistakes and building a foundation from them, rather than building walls.

    You deserve to smile, sweet Cao. No, it doesn’t take a man in your life to do that, but I do understand the longing to find the one who becomes your joy. Be patient, my friend…when you least expect it, you may very well find that special person who will bring you 25 years of non-spork stabbing bliss 🙂

    1. Omgosh! ! I love you! You made me laugh and cry at the same time! Yes! That was what we had and yes! It is what I will have. I just have to be still. You are amazing Peep, i just simply adore you! Xo

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