Okay so, I’ve been on a handful of dates with the “blind- date” set up by my brother a few weeks ago. I suppose I shouldn’t call him blind, he can see and I didn’t stab him with my spork. So he’s at least elevated himself to date material in my book, but still there is something that always holds me back. Eventually we will get down to some serious talking and I know he will ask The Question. It’s inevitable, they all do. He’s going to ask me how long it’s been since my last serious relationship. I’ll wrap my fingers around my goblet, gulp a huge sip and change the subject. This question is like being in a job interview and having to explain a five year gap in employment. Because that question always leads to, at the very least, the thought “what’s wrong with you?” Makes me feel like a car who sat in the yard so long flowers are growing out of its running parts. What’s worse is they look at you with pity and think; well she’s attractive enough, so maybe she’s just crazy.
Like most single women, I used to buy into the idea that the problem must be some essential flaw in my character, low self-esteem, and commitment issues, sure, I suffer a little of both from time to time, who doesn’t? But I always felt something within me needs to be “fixed.” And in talking with friends over the years, usually in some form of drunkenness and “let’s find Cao a boyfriend” conversation, I think I’ve heard almost every possible reason for my singleness. A male friend even once remarked, “Sometimes you see a woman who has her act so together you wonder what she would need you for?” Huh? That’s one still jars me a little.
What’s wrong with me? Well, plenty, but that’s not the point. All humans have flaws. The point is I have never married because I’ve just not found the right guy. The guy who will still love me even when I am cranky, and yes, at times, a little neurotic. The one who will put up with me when I am quiet, or drink too much, or talk to the television. That’s all. The take from? Don’t waste your life trying to change all those things you consider to be your flaws, especially if you think it’s the reason you haven’t found “the one.” Changing just to find a mate is like putting on a girdle three sizes too small to change your shape. One day that thing is going to have to come off, and do you want to be stuck with the guy who thought you were “three sizes smaller” girdle lady, or the guy who loved and accepted you, in the role of your life, playing the part of you, right from the beginning? Just something to think about. I need to go find that girdle, I have a date tonight. Have a gorgeous weekend!
Hairs: Vanity Hair, Diavolo *NEW* Taxi:
Glasses: Redgrave, Holly
Necklace/earring: [Mandala], Tefutefu **NEW** ❤ Taxi:
Watch: [Mandala], Gold. Hokusai . Black. Sitennoah
Jumper: Ricielli, Papi
Nails: CCD, Diva
Purse: House of Fox, Color Me. Onyx Clutch
Shoos: Gos, Angelina
Poses: Del May