It’s Not You, It’s Me.

It's Not You, It's Me

Okay so, I’ve been on a handful of dates with the “blind- date” set up by my brother a few weeks ago. I suppose I shouldn’t call him blind, he can see and I didn’t stab him with my spork. So he’s at least elevated himself to date material in my book, but still there is something that always holds me back. Eventually we will get down to some serious talking and I know he will ask The Question. It’s inevitable, they all do. He’s going to ask me how long it’s been since my last serious relationship. I’ll wrap my fingers around my goblet, gulp a huge sip and change the subject. This question is like being in a job interview and having to explain a five year gap in employment. Because that question always leads to, at the very least, the thought “what’s wrong with you?” Makes me feel like a car who sat in the yard so long flowers are growing out of its running parts. What’s worse is they look at you with pity and think; well she’s attractive enough, so maybe she’s just crazy.

its not you

Like most single women, I used to buy into the idea that the problem must be some essential flaw in my character, low self-esteem, and commitment issues, sure, I suffer a little of both from time to time, who doesn’t? But I always felt something within me needs to be “fixed.” And in talking with friends over the years, usually in some form of drunkenness and “let’s find Cao a boyfriend” conversation, I think I’ve heard almost every possible reason for my singleness. A male friend even once remarked, “Sometimes you see a woman who has her act so together you wonder what she would need you for?” Huh? That’s one still jars me a little.

It's Not You, It's Me

What’s wrong with me? Well, plenty, but that’s not the point. All humans have flaws. The point is I have never married because I’ve just not found the right guy. The guy who will still love me even when I am cranky, and yes, at times, a little neurotic. The one who will put up with me when I am quiet, or drink too much, or talk to the television. That’s all. The take from? Don’t waste your life trying to change all those things you consider to be your flaws, especially if you think it’s the reason you haven’t found “the one.” Changing just to find a mate is like putting on a girdle three sizes too small to change your shape. One day that thing is going to have to come off, and do you want to be stuck with the guy who thought you were “three sizes smaller” girdle lady, or the guy who loved and accepted you, in the role of your life, playing the part of you, right from the beginning? Just something to think about. I need to go find that girdle, I have a date tonight. Have a gorgeous weekend!

Outfit One:

Hairs: Vanity Hair, Diavolo *NEW* Taxi:
Glasses: Redgrave, Holly
Necklace/earring: [Mandala], Tefutefu **NEW** ❤ Taxi:
Watch: [Mandala], Gold. Hokusai . Black. Sitennoah
Jumper: Ricielli, Papi
Nails: CCD, Diva
Purse: House of Fox, Color Me. Onyx Clutch
Shoos: Gos, Angelina
Poses: Del May

14 thoughts on “It’s Not You, It’s Me.

  1. Wow…You look gorgeous in there. Head to toe. Had I knew the guy I’d tell him keep it simple, if she doesn’t take off her glasses in 8 1/2 minutes, whisper your soul – we’re about to have a good time, a few rounds of martini, a long drive and jazz by the side….”

  2. Another stunning look for you Cao and I am in no way surprised:-) Also there is nothing wrong in my book,being single. I have been that way probablly longer than you. I can say we are all flawed to some degree, but for me it is about my unwillingness to give up my independence. I fought for many years to gain it, so giving up just a little is very hard. I am sure I lose oppertunities, and I do miss the close communication aspects of a relationship but I choose to be who I am. Who I am is Feirce,independent,passionate about those less fortunate and happy in my own skin. So, all the little things and quirkiness that make up our little Cao are a treasure to some. Good luck with your date and keep the spork in your purse………Hugs

    1. I agree Spirit, singleness isn’t a disease, its a state of being. You either like it or you don’t. I enjoy freedoms, just as you do, so I know what you mean. I promise to leave the spork at home..if I have to.. I guess… I hope your weekend is grand my beautyful friend! ❤ xo

  3. You right about changing to find someone, in the end it just doesn’t work. I have had a few relationships and after a few months to years found out the guys true self was not what I thought it was and the relationships ended.
    After all that I took time off and worked on me, what I wanted in life, job, hobbies, bubble baths with wine and a good book etc… I wasn’t lonely I didn’t “need” a man I enjoyed my own company and you know what happened after some time passed I meet a guy that like me for me and puts up with all the silly things that I say and do.
    He even accepts my bad spelling, and my crying at the drop of a hat at any sappy commercial or movie. And I can put up with his smelly feet ! I would have passed him up if it had not been for cupid hitting me over the head, you see he 13 years younger than me and so I had to “break” one of my “rules” in dating but I am ever so glad I did. If the question about the last serious relationship comes up .. tell the truth tell how you fell and if you run him off then he wasn’t worth your time anyway

    1. hehe very true! I love every sentence in this Jessicaan. I am so, so very happy you found your man, and I know one day, I will too. Until then, I can take the place of the man and just be kind to myself. Enjoy your love filled weekend! ❤

  4. Why would anyone pity you for NOT flitting from relationship to relationship? Despite how it may seem to some, choosing a mate is not a game. I admire you for not settling for the first guy who comes along, just so the rest of the world can see you as “normal” for having a boyfriend/partner/spouse. Stick to your guns, but don’t be afraid to let someone special have the opportunity to accept your little idiosyncrasies. They’re what make you so wonderfully you ♥

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