If you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call “failure” is not the falling down, but the staying down. –Mary Pickford
Whilst reading Berry’s Monday meme ( http://strawberrysingh.com/ ), I noted it was written by the famed Winter Jefferson. I’ve grand respect for him, as an artist, as a model, as a heart friend and as a human being and he asked a favor of us to show support for Strawberry Singh. He asks, “When were you at your lowest point? How did you pull through and triumph to become the dazzling specimen of humanity you are today? When you reached out… who was there to help you back up again? What gave you hope?”
I will probably write one of my Draakje Dailey’s favorited versions of “Word and Peace” but the truth is, the davil ain’t in the details on this one, the crux of providing peace is hinged on one word, Hope. Just know, Berry, I too had a grand all-consuming love in my past and like you, it didn’t fade away, it was ripped out suddenly and completely. I can’t fathom what you are feeling, but this is what I learned from me, from my failure:
Be good to yourself. Life is fecked up right now, and you know it, but still you’re doing your part, taking responsibility, doing important work to alleviate or help adapt to what may feel a hopeless mess. So ease off. Life is a marathon, not a sprint. Give yourself a break. Pamper yourself. Celebrate the fact that you’re smart enough, informed enough, strong enough, sensitive enough to know that though it’s rough now, things will get better.
Cry (like an elephant). A few months ago I blogged about how elephants, like humans, mourn those who pass from their lives. Crying is a natural response to stress and grief and it has enormous therapeutic value. So why should we not mourn, at least for a little bit.
See life through the eyes of a child. Mostly selfish little creatures, they have the knack of living a life less planned, less consumed. Be generous to yourself, learn to value your time for once. Learn to be present in your own way. I can’t set still long enough to meditate, so for me it was throwing on jogging shoos, emptying my brain and running or walking along the shore line until my heart, or my tired legs, said it’s time to go back.
Talk. Find a friend and just talk. Don’t talk about each other, talk about you. What you are going through, let this conversation be “you” centered, you don’t always have to think of other people. It’s OK to be the only one who counts right then. You will have other conversations in life with this friend, so you will have other chances to explore “them.”
Dream a little. Dreams are alternate realities we can create and control. When you give vent to your imagination, it can create wonderful works of art with amazing healing, communicating, inspirational, and transformative power. And your art is your gift to the world, Berry.
Fall in love. I know, right now that is the farthest thing from your mind. But it doesn’t even have to be with an “other.” Just fall in love. It’s risky and addictive for sure, and for most of us its most blissful effects wear off too fast. But nature has given us this wonderful state of foolish, invincible, chemical-induced grace, and it reminds us that life is for the living, if we would just take the moment to breathe.
The take from? Yep. Just remember, hope and hopelessness are both present at any given moment in time, they coexist.Though you’ve reached a moment of hopelessness, it is but a moment and it will pass. In the future, at random moments, when you least expect it, the memory will return, but the pain from it does fade. And if you continue to live a passionately engaged life, you will find that this event was just a side step of a small moment, a blurb in a well-written life and perhaps this relationship wasn’t a waste, it served an important purpose afterall. Perhaps it gave new color to a certain emotion, perhaps it served to teach you what you do not want in life, but the most important thing it taught you was it was just a step, a very small step in the journey of your lifetime