What is the real purpose behind the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus? They seem like greater steps toward faith and imagination, each with a payoff. Like cognitive training exercises. ~Chuck Palahniuk
Something has happened to me this week and I am forever changed. At pivotal moments in our lives we all have moments when the breath is stripped from our lungs and we see, as if for the first time. These moments of personal growth mature us in some distinct way. This weekends moment wasn’t a single event, but was in fact three separate spaces of time. To come forward, I have to go back to a discussion I had with a co-worker last December. She has two boys, aged 5 and 8 and she refuses to let them believe in Santa Claus, the Easter bunny or any such childhood nonsense. The lie. Being a writer I have always felt these “lies” a pivotal part of our growth teaching us that we sometimes have to believe in things we don’t see. That’s really important for all of us, whether it’s religion, Santa Claus, or even love. I believe I can see love, but can I really? How many relationships have I thought myself deeply in love only to end up feeling like I was hit by a Mack truck? How about you? As to Santa, I can’t say I have ever regretted believing in him, can you? My memories regarding his mysteries all seem cocooned in gossamer wrappings tucked away in a special treasure chest in my heart waiting to be shared with my own off-spring.
My own offspring shelved as useless thought at this point in time, over the weekend while visiting my Godchild, she came into the room with her little treasures (found in the second paragraph) and remarked how she felt special because she had found treasure on the beach and so few people do. The lie. I was aghast at myself because I saw the lie written there and knew I was responsible for it. A day later I was catching up with a friend, Antosperandeo Allen of BehaviorBody Animations and he made the comment that if I would choose to move slower and take more time with my photos more of them would be quite stunning because over all my work is beautiful. And then, this morning, my dearest of friends, Lola Ghost wrote “When you open a tap wide on a narrow bottle, you will spill most of the water. But on the flip side, if you let the tap drip, the bottle will never fill and you will lose interest. Balance.” She is so right, it is so easy to become overwhelmed while blogging events and even easier to just walk away when one stops blogging for a bit.
The take from? I don’t want to stop, I find my blog helps me to write, helps me to express my life, and helps me to believe in those crazy things I can’t see but intuitively know are truly real, like pirate treasure, a life of quality, and love. Sweet, sweet love. Before my surgery in November I blogged just about daily for two years straight, since that time, a couple of times I’ve made myself take a week off at a time, just to prove to myself I could stop. And through it? I learned even without the blog, I am still OK. OK at chasing the unseen, living a life of quality and learning to love. A lot of learning to love. I think over the weekend I almost grew to my full adult age, almost, there will always be a little small corner of that Santa loving, pirate treasure chasing, digging to China girl inside, but around here? Right here in this virtual space? I think you might be seeing a little less deluge and a lot more balance. Starting next week, of course, I’ve got to finish up 2014 Hair Fair this week. But in all ways, I am looking forward to the change. It’s finally time for a solitary little Cao to grow up.
Live life in Reverse