Carrying Stuff and Letting Go

What’s so fascinating and frustrating and great about life is that you’re constantly starting over, all the time, and I love that. ~Billy Crystal

Carrying Stuff and Letting GoHairs: *Argrace*, Akane .

I stated last week that I was not going to blog daily anymore. Quite a few of those people close to me commented that they would believe it when they saw it. Heck, I half doubted it myself. After all, I’ve been known to say this a time or two in the past. But this time, it just felt different. Somehow it felt true and I’m not sure why. Well, I know a little bit of the why, it’s because I’m not happy. As each day has passed since my words refused to come, I’ve thought about life, first and second ones, and realized a lot of my unhappiness is caused by me. Me and only me. At first I couldn’t recall the last time I felt like this, but after too many days of introspection, that day is once again crystal clear and vivid. It was the day I asked myself what I was going to do, keep working like a drudge or get my arse back to school and finish my college education. Thankfully, education won out but here I sit, once again, feeling like a monotonous drudge. Is that what life is? We squander away the good parts of it until a mere husk of our vivaciousness remains? Do you know these moments a’tall? The moments when sleep is the good thing and being awake is the nightmare? I think quite a few of us do. I can’t think I am the only person alive who has said to themselves, “all I need to do is get up and breathe in and breathe out, but I have to make myself get up first.”

Carrying Stuff and Letting GoBathingsuit: Gizza, Sunshine swimsuit **NEW** .

It’s just always bound to happen. We carry a lot of “stuff” with us, our jobs, relationships, significant others, insignificant others, checkout clerks who don’t say thank you after you just spent your last dollar of the week, barbed comments, veiled threats, middle fingers. How do we possibly exist with all this “baggage” that sticks to us like we are a magnet? The thing is, I know the answer, deep in my core, I truly do. I can be free in an unfree society, just as I can be blissful in a miserable world. There is not a person in this world who can deny me this happiness. Nobody is hindering me except myself. Nobody is creating a single obstacle. Don’t bother about the society and the world because the world will continue. Forms differ; the basic reality remains the same, the basic misery of man remains the same. Society will never come to any utopia. This word ‘utopia’ is very beautiful. The very word means: that which never comes. It is always coming but it never quite gets here; it’s always a promise but the goods are never delivered. And this will be so. It has been so. There is only one possibility: I can change.

The take from? Sure, today, I blog for me, for my change. No one is to blame for my unhappiness, not a sales clerk, an angry driver, a co-worker or foe, no one but me. Today, I choose I have no need to impress others by acting like I am someone I am not, this is too mentally exhausting. From now, I won’t cling tightly to others because I am insecure, or whine when I don’t get my way. I choose to listen with active ears because constantly interrupting is not only rude, it limits our knowledge of who people are and tells them we don’t care what they say, we only care about what we will say to what they say. Today, I will quit letting others control me with their criticizing and preaching, I can let them have their opinions, but they will let me have mine too, they are not short-comings, they are just differences, period. But most of all, today, I will stop dwelling and fearing. I refuse to dwell on the past and past mistakes. Regrets are for people who have failed, as long as I live on this Earth I have not failed, yet. Not as long as I face my fears. Choose to put them aside, today. Because the only thing I should ever fear is wasting a today. What if today I change? Would you?

Ear Wax:

26 thoughts on “Carrying Stuff and Letting Go

  1. Ah, Cao.
    It’s perfectly OK to blog less than once a day. When you hit a point where blogging becomes about the obligation to produce output rather than about the quality of what you output, it becomes a lot harder to love what you are doing. As a self-proclaimed ‘gad about’, you not only SHOULD love what you are doing, you DESERVE to love what you are doing.
    The good news is that happiness, like love and forgiveness and joy and all the other good emotions (and some of the bad ones, too, to be brutally honest), isn’t a sensation, something we sit back and wait to experience. It is a choice, a determination we make on how we will respond to the events and people and relationships in our life. When you told yourself, “I’m not going to stress over what other people think I should be; I’m going to be me and I’m going to enjoy what being me brings into my life,” you embarked on the path to finding that active happiness. Happiness ain’t perfect; you will have good and bad emotional sensations along the way, but when you choose to be happy and to find the good within the events and relationships that define your life, you will be amazed at the transformation you witness.
    You will also find it’s always a little easier to make time for something you love. So if- and by if, I mean WHEN- you find yourself blogging daily again, it’s not a ‘failure’ because you tried to give up daily blogging but the ‘addiction’ was too strong. Relapsing into daily blogging will actually be success. By stepping away from the pressure to produce daily output, you will rediscover the joy of creating and sharing your thoughts, refocus on expressing yourself rather than worrying about how others would grade the self you expressed, and revive a flagging passion. So go, you, and grab yourself some happiness!

    1. wowowwwww I should have said all that! Emily, you brought me tears. Not because you told me what to do, but because you filled in all the spaces that were unsaid. Just love your wisdom, you wise one! ❤ xo

  2. Wow Cao, how do you always know! This week I have been really harshly critisized, to a point that a grown woman like me was in tears. Somehow you always know how to pick me up. My happiness don’t depend on that critic. Now I need to believe it. Love you!!

    1. I believe it Lola, because I know you and I know you are stronger than that little minded twat of a person made you out to be. Be strong, listen to your head and not that ping to your heart. Love you, so much my dear friend ❤

  3. “sniffs” Now where am I going to get my daily dose of inspiration. I guess I could go out and find it for myself You are one of the highlights to my day, after I hear all the negativity from Gamblers that had their asses handed to them. I don’t make them come and I don’t make them stay. Yes I feel bad that they are tossing all their hard earned money to chance, but that is them not me. I am going to miss your wise words, though you are younger than I, you are so very gifted when it comes to setting Pen to paper…..Oh! 2014, fingers to keys then lol. I learn from you, I love so many things about you lil Moo. I feel like we are cut from the same clothe in so many ways, yet I know this is not true. As much as I will miss seeing your post daily, I am overjoyed that you are going to get out there and live, breathe and take in all the world has to offer you. Find your happy place Cao, and when you can spare a moment and share a moment, I will be here to share it with you………..I love you Dollface ❤

    1. I don’t know how I missed all this!! Glad I found it! 😀 We ARE very much alike Spirit it’s one of the reasons I love being around you bc being around you is like being with me, it fits like a glove. Happy days to you too dearest of friends! Love you so very much!

  4. I’ve been going through one of those periods myself the last few weeks and have started pulling myself out of it. I had suffered a rather big disappointment and it finally took me deciding I had had enough of a sook and it was time to be grateful for what I have. I bucked up, but I’m still recovering.

    You are such an inspiration, my lil Cao…whether you blog daily, weekly, or whenever the whim strikes, it is always worth the visit ❤

    1. If you would like to talk about it some time my very special Peep Sideshow, I have very big ears and a closed mouth. ❤ you soooooOOoo much and one day I am going to come park on your couch! 😀

  5. People will try to pile their misery, negative feelings etc. on someone else. Misery loves company. Been there, done that, got a stack of old worn out Tshirts. But you are right. Happiness, being carefree and not letting shit getting you down is a choice. I am obviously not talking about the excesses as a sudden failure of health and/or the loss of a loved one. Those things take time and cut very deep. However again, we all choose how we deal with them.

    I think the worst kind of people I have met in my life are what I call ’emotional vampires’. If you are not careful they suck every ounce of energy and happiness away and then thank you (if they are polite that is) for being such a great friend and always cheer them up.

    Lately I had to remind myself almost daily that happiness or being content.. is a choice.

    Sweet Cao, you have so much to share with the world so all I can say to you is share, but do it your way.. Blogging is one, drawing on the bathroom wall is another and taking a walk to a park and watch ducks to unspeakable things and laugh so loud you almost pee yourself is yet another. Be you. Breath and love those you do love with all your heart and sod the rest.

    hugs.

    1. *scribbles on Rwah’s bathroom wall* hahaha you are NEVER gonna let me live down that duck porn are you!! I have the best friends in the world and I have to say much of those friends are right here. Thanks for being in the count 😀 ❤

  6. I’ve had this feeling for a long time now, and I don’t even post everyday, not even every week anymore. I used to write lil tales in my blog but little by little the words started to fail to come and now I just post a bit of facts or sometimes only stylecard. What I’m trying to say, when it starts to feel too much and it makes you unhappy rather than happy, it’s time to take a little break. People will wait eagerly for your posts even if you write them a lil less frequently. ❤

  7. Respectfully Cao, I have read and heard this comment over and over: ” Regrets are for people who have failed…” This attitude has become a mantra for a generation of young rising professionals. Nothing is further from the truth. Regrets are for people who have a moral compass; it is something to guide them when mistakes are made. If you have no regrets, you can’t progress forward in life. Failure is a learning opportuniy and should not be viewed negatively.

    1. Of course you are always welcome to comment here, it is an open forum and I love to hear from friends. 😀 But as a writer and I thinker I have to say, sure, you are right in some instances one should always have regrets when one fails at something immoral, and yes one should learn from their mistakes. But in the context of what I wrote what the saying means to me, and I am not a young rising professional as I am on the slide to midlife, but the point is, one should learn from their mistakes and not let go, not quit striving for a goal. Adjust the sails a little, of course! I think it more a today form of the Ben Franklin quote, nothing ventured nothing gained, myself. You can fail, and regret mistakes, but get up, dust off those big girl knickers and forge on, it’s never a failure until that very last try when you finally just give up hope.

      1. Cao, I think you missed my point. I was not commenting on your journey in life per se. My comment was that all too often tag lines and mantras are repeated ad nauseum and often it is harmful, and stops the thinking process and dialogue. Having “regrets” means you have a soul, you are human and recognize personal responsibility. Having “no regrets” equals narcissism; “I am all that counts in this world.” There is a generation that thinks it’s cool to have no regrets. I believe this attitude is harmful and non-productive. There are t-shirts that tout the dumb remark, no regrets. I just think you are too caring, too introspective and a lover of words to fall into that rabbit hole. That was my point. I admire you for learning and “dusting off ” the old garbage and making changes to have a fulfilled successful life.

        Also, my remarks came off the news about Robin William’s death and your post. In you tribute you mentioned Todd Bridges spouting “suicide is a very selfish act,” and Shepard Smith referred to Robin as “a coward.” I react to these phrases in the same manner as I react to the “No Regrets” phrase. These phrases have been repeated so often, they have become a part of the vernacular and acceptable. In the case of Robin’s tragic passing, we should be having a disscussion about depression and suicide, not the selfish circus engendered by negative commentary that has occurred on social media. Robin was am enormously generous man who gave selflessly to his community, the military, sick children and the planet. He was a philantropist in addition to his enormous wit, creativity, and brillance. As a writer and lover of words, I hope you recognize my POV.

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