Changing the World

No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.~ Robin Williams

MooHanging with my Moomies, it’s a good place when I am out of sorts (If you want credits, please click picture)

It’s taken me a few days to take this all in, and I’m still internalizing the information so I hope it comes out right. I withdraw and muddle and sort what I knew to be with what is. If it doesn’t please read it with a grain of salt, as my brain has only half formed itself into adult-hood. I grew up with Ben Stiller as the “compatriot” I would think a friend should I have run in such circles. More my age, a little gangly and quirky like me; with a few more friends we’d make a sort of newer 2.0 version of The Breakfast Club. I simply adore the man. Robin Williams has died at this own hands, these eight words, a couple days later, still make no immediate sense to me. Robin Williams died peacefully in his sleep at 88 years of age. Now that is a headline befitting such a national treasure as he. To me, where Ben was a brother, Robin Williams was the father. He was such a larger than life figure it is almost surreal such a hero could die with such a common man’s malady. But see, that’s the point isn’t it? He wasn’t a hero, he was just a man, a husband, a father, a friend, a son, and brother.

moo2

I think the first time I saw him was when I was much younger and he was in Mrs. Doubtfire. From this moment in my very small life, I was irrevocably hooked to this man, he was the father I wish I had, had the kindness and humor I wished to emulate, wasn’t scared of his own off the charts intelligence and seemed to cherish those idiosyncrasies that made him so different from the common men who all blend together and create that “us” crowd. Because don’t forget, where I am, well, I ain’t no “us,” I’m a “them.” I’d like to think he was a them too, a little left of the center crowd, on a fringe but not quite “in.”

I once said I believed our soul to be this gorgeously colored tapestry, and the brightly colored hues are those moments when our hearts are full with the good minutes of our lives, the times of love, laughter, friendships, family. At the same time our tapestry has moments that aren’t full of passionate colors but half-hued with our days, moments of working and co-existing with our world, shown in our tapestry as the light browns and beiges the muted colors that aren’t brightly pleasing nor displeasing, they are simply soothing. But other times, and I believe there is more of this in the artist’s souls tapestry than any other creatures, are those darks, the blacks, the winter colors. Those moments when the world is dark, so angry and sad, the colors of despair seem the only color we can put into our tapestry. In the end though, this darkness does not make the tapestry any uglier than the one with mostly bright hues, this one doesn’t belong to the bright hued persons tapestry; it belongs uniquely with its owner.

The take from? Yeah, especially at the saddest moments. Todd Bridges called Williams’s suicide “a very selfish act,” Fox News’s Shepard Smith referred to Williams as “a coward” for taking his life, knee jerk reactions at the realization a hero is just a man, I suppose. A selfish act? Perhaps, but to the person in this state, sometimes it feels like the only option available to them, or maybe it was the only benevolent act one can make to spare one’s family and friends the bearer’s demons. No one knows but Robin Williams. Do I wish he had sought help in those dark hours of his goodnight? Yes, yes, a thousand times yes. He is after all the father I wish I had and now I won’t get to see the right and correct obituary stating “Robin Williams died peacefully in his sleep at 88 years of age.” But somehow, that’s okay. It has to be. Because I know he has already created a legacy, his story, history, and I choose not to dwell on his death but to embrace those countless moments of joy and laughter that my wished for father gave to me. Somehow that just feels right. Robin Williams once said, “In America they really do mythologise people when they die.” If we do choose to do this with Robin Williams, I hope we will remember the darkness of the man as well as the light, to glean ways to help others.

EarWorm: (somehow the only song that can possibly go here)

11 thoughts on “Changing the World

  1. I was so sad about Robins’ death and I am sad that people assume things or jump to conclusions or even to pretend like they have some clue why a person does what they do. Depression is different for everyone that has it, it has it’s peaks and lows and it has it’s bottomed out. I was watching the news the other night about this (something I rarely do) and they said what most don’t know is that the suicide rate in the US alone is actually higher than the murder rate. That was a surprise to even me and not much surprises me. Robin Williams was a great man, not a hero but love him or hate him you will all remember him. As for suicide and what I know of it. Sometimes you do not decide to end it all to spare others, but sometimes you see it as the only way to end your pain. I should not know anything about it but my 14 year old self knew … My point is people should not be so quick to justify the actions of another because we are not inside their head, we don’t know what darkness lies there. WE DON’T KNOW. He did prove a point I was trying to make to my co-workers who think I smile too little, and that is, take a look at Robin Williams he wore one of the happiest outer appearances I ever saw, and was total opposite of how he really felt. Me I am happy on the inside but am not now nor will I ever be a smiley person…………………ain’t gonna happen and you would have to ask my 14 year old self about that, but I wouldn’t. Anyways Love your Moo’s Cao and I love you

    1. very, very true Spirit, I’ve changed the blog to reflect a more enlightened view to the fact because you are very right, no one knows. Thank you for your first hand input and thank you for your friendship and love. Love you right back my dear friend.

      1. I would not want you to change a single thing Dollface, I read you because you are insightful, honest,loving,giving and lets face it damn good at writing. You have the cutest Cows of anybody I know and I love you, no matter what you write {subject} or the way you write it, you have a gift…………LOVE YOU ❤

  2. Your heartfelt writing defiantly hits home! We all embrace a bit of the dark as well as the light …balance is the hard part. I can’t judge anyone’s life or death. Thankful for all the laughter and smiles Robin shared in his time here.

    1. me too Owl, just the breadth of his work points to his acting ability. I think I hold him in as high regard as I do the greatest of the greats because tho he does a lot of comedy, his drama is spot on as well. Thanks for peeking in here and checking up on me! 😀 xo

  3. I have seen so many things written about Robin Williams since his death in the vein of “if he only knew how happy he made people, he wouldn’t have done it.” Sadly, the one person he couldn’t make happy was himself.

    I lost a very dear friend to suicide several years ago. He had suffered depression most of his life and he died during his third attempt. I didn’t know him when he first attempted to take his life (he was only 15), but around the time he tried the second time, he seemed to be happier. When he woke up in the hospital, where he was resuscitated, he was angry. When asked why, when he seemed to be doing so well just prior to his attempt, he said, “I had made peace with myself that my life would be over soon. That is why I was happy.”

    Was he a coward for killing himself, leaving behind a wife, three children and many, many people who loved and cared for him? I thought so, at first. But over the years I have come to accept that for a person as deeply afflicted by the disease of depression, he simply found the only cure for his illness, that no matter how many people reached out to him, how much help was available, he could not be cured. I still mourn the loss, but I know that he is free from the pain he endured for more than half of his life. A pain so debilitating that only someone in his situation could imagine. 😦

    1. I don’t know where I err’d in my words, because I myself mentioned that perhaps coward isn’t what he was, that perhaps he felt it was his only option at that point in life. But yes, just what you said is what I meant when I wrote “If we do choose to do this [mythologize] with Robin Williams, I hope we will remember the darkness of the man as well as the light, to glean ways to help others.” and chose this particular song because I know for a fact the writer Isaac Slade wrote this song when he was working with suicidal teenagers (one boy in particular) because I heard him say it.

      1. No, I didn’t think you thought him a coward. But there have been so many reports using that phrase. I can understand why people have that belief – that suicide is a cowardly act, but it usually borne out of anger and a misunderstanding of just how debilitating depression can be.

      2. Yes, I know you wouldn’t think it Peep, bc you and I know each other after this much time. It was another reader and I just wanted her to be assured that I agree with her since it seemed of import to her and bc I actually did. Xox ♡ and I actually WAS in your friends shoos once so all I can say is thank God for the unending and loving support of my posse and my mom. And these days I am so thankful I met you.

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