Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper. ~P. J. O’Rourke
I was going to be original and pithy and charming today, I know a rare trait as of late, but they’ve been dickering with the florescent lighting (i.e. replacing the one’s that are out) and I think I am coming down with a migraine. And for a person who has only had one in their lifetime that’s saying quite a bit about things, yeah, I need to go live under a mushroom for a little bit. Because of this I am going to do a little bit of a re-blog, I’ve a friend who needs to read this. The reason we all find relationships so painful and difficult at times is because they are perfect vehicles for living out negative feelings we’ve carried with us since childhood. As much as we may love our partners, we are conditioned to project our negative self-image and unresolved pain onto them. Our defenses, which we developed to deal with childhood pain and trauma, are not just a factor in how our relationships play out, but also influence our choices of whom to be in a relationship with. Nothing sucks the life out of the dynamics of a relationship faster than an imbalance of confidence. If you can’t feel good about yourself without a guy, then you can be darn sure this lack of confidence is going to suck the life right out of anything the two of you have. In a relationship, whether its a lover or even just a friend, when one person has to constantly affirm the other’s self-doubts it’s exhausting. No one is stable enough to act as a bottomless bank account of confidence for you. Sooner or later, if you are depositing too much of your self-doubt into a relationship, the partner/friend is going to grow resentful and end it. The best we can do in life, is help ourselves, because face it, no man defines who YOU are. Only you can do that, and until you have a solid and sturdy self who happens to like themselves, no relationship you’re in will reach it’s full potential.
Fortunately, confidence is not something you are either born with or denied; with a little focus it’s a quality that’s available to all of us, and is never completely dependent on a romantic relationship or any relationship to flourish. If your relationships keep ending in pain, perhaps you should take a step back and examine your part in the pairing. If you find you just can’t live without a “we” maybe you need to define a very clear, mature and happy “I” first, because only then will a “we” be available to you. Well, at least, that’s my take on it and I’ve been known for a lot of self doubt and introspective speculation. But, take it for whatever it means to you, even if it’s not that much.
Headpiece: Bliensen & MaiTai, Soleil crown @2015 Fantasy Faire
Hair: Argrace, Seri **NEW**
Dress: *LpD*, Kate @Shiny Shabby Event
Hair: Tableau Vivant, Sharilyn
Dress: *LpD*, Nadine **NEW** (in store)
Shoo: Bliensen & MaiTai, Soleil crown @2015 Fantasy Faire
Pose: Dream Print