When in Doubt

My friend Spirit mentioned something to me a few weeks ago about when I was getting married. I laughed and said never, and her next sentence hit me deep inside. She said, “perhaps your lack of committing fully is a sign in itself.” I blew the comment off, but knew it would rankle and fester if I didn’t think about it some. I don’t really understand my commitment phobia, I honestly don’t. But I know many of us grow up in families in which there’s anxiety. Whether it’s the anxiety to disappoint a parent or just a parent’s inability to relate to their children, well those are mine, I am sure others grew up with different pressures. With this fear of failing in a relationship how can it not lead to my poor communication skills in romantic courtships? My self-doubts, worries and insecurities would leave the most stalwart of men running for the door. It actually has a few times in the past, because who wants to wait for ever for someone who may never take that last step? I always call this my, “the Problem with our Relationship is, we’re in a Relationship” quirk, and face it, we all have quirks, they make us, us.

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Seriously,  think about it, our ideas about what adults behave like and what adult relationships look like were shaped by our parents, our first teachers. It’s not that I wouldn’t want to marry someone like dad, it’s just I’m scared that I will. All of those internalized messages, patterns, and behaviors I’ve kept buried in me for so long, what if they resurface suddenly? Wouldn’t I be doomed to live the marriage my parents have? Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing “wrong” with their marriage, it just seems a bit stale. I mean, I’m not pointing my finger at my mom or dad for screwing up my relationships, it’s just who wants to wake up one day and see a guy who suspiciously resembles their father lying next to them? So I am slow on the uptake in relationships, I am more cautious than most, does that make me a bad person? No, not really. You’re ok, and I may be different, but I am OK too and as long as the two in the couple agree to the terms from the get go, life and relationships can still flourish.

The take from? Sure. In every relationship the two parties each have their own agenda of what they want from the relationship. Don’t always assume what you want is what the other person does. Be patient and gently feel your way around each other and sometimes without even knowing it, you will realize you’ve been in the right relationship all along. I am a firm believer, love doesn’t fall hard, love comes softly on gossamer wings. We just have to learn to hold one another’s likeness and embrace the differences with kindness. Only then will we know how our souls will fit for life. But don’t take my word on it, you got your own living to do.

event-at-first

Outfit
Hair: Vanity Hair, Lunitica **NEW** http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Waterton%20Way/166/161/1027
Jewelry:[Mandala]
Shades: Chic Zafari, Anna
Shirt/Skirt: MEB, Fransisca @ 1st http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Sun%20Dream/99/136/3002
Bag: {{BSD Design Studio}}, le Larvin (gacha rare) @ Ai Gacha Event http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Laothoe/242/20/3929
Shoos: {{BSD Design Studio}}, Femme Belle **NEW** Mainstore: http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Kourinbou/157/41/23

5 thoughts on “When in Doubt

  1. I think what you said makes perfect sense. I think knowing what you don’t want is half-way to knowing what you do. Yes, sometimes the hardest part is stepping out into the void. Just remember you are stepping out with someone else who is just as unsure and committed to you as you are the them. The rest you will figure out together. I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no magic way to do that, just do it the best you can and then you will have no regrets. I don’t think anyone can ask for more than that from another.
    Besides you are Lil Miss Cao the goddess of unicorns and rainbows right?? Goddesses never fail, and they have gossamer wings to lift them up when they stumble! 🙂

    1. there you are, you are genius Eleanor! I am living my life the best that I can, after all, I have big shoos to fill because they are my own, so I need to fill them in just right. ❤ *gives sugar to her unicorns and colors her rainbows* 🙂

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