“Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.” ~ Mary Oliver
There are seldom moments as painful as the blinding punch in the gut that signifies the end of a relationship. It leaves you bereft, battered, and more times than not with very little self-esteem left. Falling in love is one of the most enlivening experiences in our life. It’s risky and addictive for sure, and for most of us it’s most blissful effects wear off too fast. But nature has given us this wonderful state of foolish, invincible, chemical-induced charm, and it reminds us that life is for the living, if we would just take the moment to breathe it in. But when we relax in the relationship, our less than stellar behavior patterns peek through and that’s when the arguing starts.
Sadly, the more we argue and the more we react from our ego wounded self, the more out of touch we become with our own true self, our soul, and the soul of our partner. You fell in love with each other’s essence, not with each other’s ego, especially this shrewish lashing wounded ego. In fact, most of us don’t like another person’s ego when it’s acting all irrational. Go figure. We learn to tolerate another person’s flaws, which is essential for a loving relationship, but what we like and love is that intangible “self-soul” found deep within the person. When it’s about ego, where once you felt deeply connected with your partner, now emotional and sexual disconnection may become the norm. Eventually you choose to either settle for a flat relationship or you move on, often cycling through the love to hate all over again with the next “love”. Because think about it, by the time most people hit splitsville, they actually hate each other because they can no longer see the inner self, the soul they fell in love with, they only see that shrieking shrew or that controlling arsehole we’ve spiraled down to.
How to not fall out of love? It’s a challenge but certainly possible, look at all the successful relationships around you. The way to fall in love and stay in love with someone is to take your snarky ego off your partner and place it firmly on yourself. Learn to take personal responsibility for your own feelings; they are after all, yours not theirs. And only through inner bonding and loving yourself are you capable of loving another. Because you have to “have” love for self before you can bring that love to someone else. Sure, who am I to even talk about this stuff, right? I’m probably not qualified, I’m just that person whose motto is “you are OK, but I am OK too.” But I wrote it and put it up here, so I think I will re-read it as a reminder to myself. You can just stroll on down to those cred’s. See? I’m kinda easy like that.
Hair: Dura, 63 **NEW**
Outfit: Zibska, Abadon We
Shoos: Miamai, Black Widow_Red Empress **NEW**